Having been pregnant 13 times, I can attest to the fact that every single time is different.
It’s a deeply personal transformation yet much of it is experienced in the most public of ways.
After all, an increasingly burgeoning belly seems to reveal all of your secrets!
I was never working when I had my first three children.
I juggled motherhood as I made my way through college.
It was difficult but I was young and independent.
It was a shock, for sure.
I was in a different stage in life.
I was completely bewildered but, fortunately, I held it together and things fell into place.
I learned a lot of things while dealing with coworkers during that very tumultuous time in my life.
I hope these insights will help you understand and empathize with the expectant mothers in your own workplace.
On the other hand, you could’t help but wonder what’s going to happen to your life.
There seems to be an increase in emotions as the months tick by and the belly gets bigger.
Then I’d think that panicking was a sign that I wasn’t ready for motherhood.
After all, if I had everything together, why would I be so scared sometimes?
It’s a turbulent time because the fears and concerns are real but so are the hormones!
The pregnancy may have been unplanned
There’s nothing wrong with unplanned pregnancies.
In fact, the CDCestimatesthat about half of all pregnancies are not intended.
Yet, there’s a shame and a stigma that surrounds this.
It amazes me how many people are willing to ask if a pregnancy was planned.
If that question has ever popped into your mind, kindly don’t ever ask it.
It’s so incredibly rude.
I remember being a teenager and one of my sister’s friends had four kids.
After having a tubal ligation, she found out that she was expecting her fifth and she was horrified.
She cried and cried for weeks.
I found her reaction really surprising and, if I’m honest, I judged her.
It wasn’t until I was in a similar position that I understood how she felt in that moment.
Why would I want a party?
It’s not uncommon to feel this way and it doesn’t make someone a monster!
She worries about miscarrying
It’s funny.
The first time around, I could feel my body stretching through every stage of pregnancy.
I worried that the feelings I was having were warning signs that I could be losing my baby.
I felt like a crazy person.
On top of that, I worried that everything I did was going to cause me to miscarry.
I painted my toenails and was convinced that the fumes had given my child brain damage.
This level of paranoia is hard to hide when you work closely with others.
Don’t make fun of her.
She’s not trying to be a diva and most pregnant women aren’t trying to get special privileges.
It wasn’t until I was expecting a set of twins that I learned how bad things could be.
Worse, it almost cost the lives of my twins.
I had horrible itching and swelling.
I felt out of breath.
I could barely walk.
I had a weird pain under my ribcage.
My complaints were met with eye rolls.
I was told that it was normal for pregnant women to have dry skin so I used extra moisturizer.
I drank more water to venture to ease the swelling.
I told myself to suck it up to get to avoid further embarrassment.
I shouldn’t have done that.
I should have trusted my own intuition and I should have listened to my own body.
The last thing a woman with “pregnancy brain” needs is to worry about getting fired.
Throw all of this together and you’ve got a recipe for a defensive, insecure, hormonal mess.
In the meantime, show some love by praising her for working so hard.
First of all, she might not even be pregnant!
When addressing women who truly are pregnant, several things can happen when you bring up due dates.
This can lead you to say horrible things like “wow, you’re big for five months.”
On a more serious note, there are some women who might actually be terrified of this topic.
I’ve been through this and it’s horrible.
It was hurtful, then, when coworkers became frustrated by my unwillingness to engage in this topic.
I wish people had been more respectful of that.
I relied on hypnotherapy, visualization techniques, and deep breathing to get me through the rough patches.
Why would you want to do that to someone?
I was exhausted and wanted to rest while my newborn was sleeping.
it’s crucial that you get used to it."
I’ve never understood the point of making statements like that and I don’t think I ever will.
Unless your coworker is completely unprepared, they know that they will be going without sleep for a while.
Be positive and encouraging.
Be patient when she seems demanding.
Respect her privacy and ignore her daily battles with indigestion.
Soon enough, she will give birth and be back to her normal self.
Except for the never ending stories and pictures about her new baby, of course!
You’ll just have to learn to live with that.
