Now, years after his reality show run, Ben is living his best life.
How do you think that played into your experience on the show?
Well, I mean, I think it sets expectations up for you to fall short.
I don’t think…
I just knew as soon as that was the phrase, I was going to fall short.
After that, what was the process like?
I know you said that you were filling out paperwork in the hotel.
What kind of questions do they ask?
Did they ask you questions about your religion?
Because I know that is a big part of your life.
Yeah, they do.
It’s been years.
They ask a bunch.
It’s like 400, there’s like a ton of questions.
There’s a personality test.
And then they just… they get to know you the best they can.
So I mean, it’s a room of people.
A lot of them are very open-ended.
That was the season where there weretwo Bachelorettes.
When did they tell you guys that there were two women?
I was in a hotel.
It was our very first night in the hotel, kind of getting prepped for the show.
So we found out separately; we didn’t find out from them.
We had to watch it on TV.
Because [the announcement] was airing on TV, the final thing.
And then two days later, we started.
So I was watching TV.
They told us to watch it to find out who it is.
So what was going through your head at the time?
There was so much going through my head, everything was new, everything was confusing.
So it was just a ton, which made me kind of paralyzed in stimulus I’d say.
You also confessed that you felt a little inferior when you were in the limo with the other contestants.
You’re still friends with him, right?
He’s a good friend.
So, all right …
I definitely did feel inferior.
I think one was because everybody that’s in that process has a really crazy cool story to tell.
A lot of them are very successful.
And I don’t know, it’s just, they’re larger-than-life personalities.
And so, because of that, I think I was sitting there as a kid from Denver.
And I just felt like I didn’t add up.
Like I was a misfit there.
And part of that was just like this, “Wow, my friends see me this way.
I see myself this way.
I am this way.
I’m just going to be lucky to be here.”
So I started feeling very inferior.
And then to go on to when I admitted I felt like an outsider or unlovable.
So my buddy who’s the producer, came up to me, maybe four or five weeks in.
I was getting ready for something and he came up.
He’s like, “Hey Ben, I don’t like you.”
He’s like, “I don’t like you.”
You’re closed off; you’re a chameleon.
You stand in the corner.
I don’t know you and as a result, I can’t like you."
He had his job to do, but he actually, in that four hours, cared.
Like that was strategic in my mind.
At least I had that out, subconsciously.
Explain some of the messages you received at that time.
A lot of them.
A lot of really heavy messages from people saying…
But I think that was kind of how I was prepping myself.
Instead, I got an outpouring of people saying, “Hey, I can relate.”
“Hey, I feel this way.”
“Hey, I struggle with this.”
Really heavy messages like, “I have had mental illness.”
“I struggle with feeling I have any value and purpose here.”
And I mean thousands of messages, which was surprising.
And they did, and they came and they came and they came.
And still today I get messages when somebody feels this way in life or about this.
In your book, you say you want your life to have a purpose and meaning.
I mean, that’s part of it, right?
I got a call.
I was in St. Petersburg, Florida at a buddy’s house.
And I hadn’t seen him in a while.
I was working from down there at the time.
And he goes, “No, we want to ask you.”
And I didn’t initially accept.
And I’ll let you know."
I was pretty confident the whole time that I would say, “Yes.”
I just wanted to give it some time.
Locations, not as much, just because they’re booked, like months in advance.
Dates, as much as you want, I guess.
I mean, you get to sit down when you’re first announced.
The next week, you kind of fly out.
At least this was my experience.
I don’t know if they still do this.
And they kind of tell you, “Hey, what’s your dream for the season?”
There’s no way I’m coming up with 40 dates.
And so I’ve always explained it like this.
That’d be awesome."
And they’re like, “Great.”
But they just like blow it up and put it on steroids.
Because then we take a helicopter ride to a vineyard at nighttime.
And so I did as best I could to give them as many options as I could.
But it wasn’t that important to me.
But did you get to choose who you took on the one-on-ones?
I mean, for the most part.
There’s a rhythm to it.
And you’re free to kind of plan [it] out.
This week’s going to be this person.
At this point, I bet things are going to be pretty hectic in the house.
I bet people are going to feel disconnected.
You were the first Bachelor in history tosay the L word twice.
If you could do that over, would you change it?
I just think it was unwise.
I just think I’ve learned from that.
So why do you think that He led you to choose Lauren?
I don’t know.
I think there was a lot in that.
And that would be a great gift and it [was].
Your split was the most Googled breakup of that year.
Personally, I became a shell of myself.
I think I was confused.
You know how things are processing, playing out; nobody else does.
And so I just kind of sat in it, learned from it.
At least I had a lot of things to work on and a lot of things to figure out.
And I think both of us did.
I messaged her on Instagram.
I was in Nashville for a fundraiser, and I was scrolling through Instagram.
I saw her picture.
I said, “That girl is beautiful.”
I screenshot it because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with that.
Whose page were you on?
It’s a good story, so…
Was it a friend’s page?
Uh uh [shaking his head].
I was staying at a Hilton, Downtown Nashville.
There’s one next to Bridgestone Arena.
There was like a big crowd of people.
Her picture popped up on that.
So you’re supposed to get married in November.
Is that still the plan?
Yeah, it is.
I mean, no matter what, we’ll get married in November.
A wedding or just us getting married, it’s going to happen.
You said on a podcast [The Viall Files] about choosing to sleep in separate beds and everything.
So why do you think that choice was the best for you and your fiancee?
And then as a result, really important to me.
I think it builds, I think it gives us something to look forward to.
I think it was what we needed in our relationship.
That really throws a wrench in the whole thing.
I give you credit for your honesty too, because a lot of people would not say that.
So I think that’s nice.
First of all, what kind of COVID protocols did you have to take?
I mean, every one.
I did not expect it… We get in the car and it’s all COVID-safe, boundaries and everything.
You get dropped off at this massive resort.
Some people I haven’t seen in a while."
There’s some nice human who hands you a key.
They say, “Go ahead and go up to your room.
All the information is there.”
You go up to your room.
And you’re there five days.
Until then, you’re five days in a hotel room.
It was not what I expected.
For the 10 minutes that I was shown on television.
That’s a lot.
All of a sudden it was just another scene.
I mean, when I was there, I did.
They just didn’t show it…
So what advice did you give him that we didn’t see on the show?
Matt’s a great dude.
Yeah, he seems like it.
And so my advice was just like, he’s going to do great things in this.
He’s going to become wildly popular.
Like you’re going to get criticized also.
Just stay true to yourself and this is all going to work out.
And that’s been my advice.
I did talk to him a lot.
And he talked to me a lot about this too.
How do you react to chaos and really difficult situations?
He’s looking at the situation.
He’s not overreacting.
He’s not getting mad.
He’s not getting angry.
He’s not pushing people aside.
And I think he’s doing an awesome job.
But it is hard for him because he’s never done it before.
So he doesn’t know what’s going on in the house.
And I think that he’s doing great, given that he doesn’t understand.
I think he’s doing fantastic, just as a good dude.
To me, the one that stood out was Avery.
So can you tell us about your friendship and how is he feeling now?
I’m glad you said Avery.
Avery is a great dude.
I’m actually going to see him in a week.
So he’s doing great.
He actually had COVID a few times.
Yeah, that was his first stint of COVID.
I think he got it two other times.
He was sick and fought through it and got over it.
So he’s healthy.
He’s back to work.
He works at a place calledBrewability.
And so we’re going to do a book signing down there in nine days.
Yeah, I don’t know why.
I have to ask him that.
I haven’t asked him that.
It’s true though.
Like Peyton [Manning] came through and he’s like, “Yeah, whatever.
I’ll take a picture with Peyton.”
And then I come through.
I don’t know why…
So what are the challenges to releasing a book during this time?
Oh, I mean, I think many.
And I think that people might read that as me being dismissive or passive.
And it’s not at all.
No matter if you believe in a god or not.
What do you think of the idea that there might just be something greater than yourself out there?"
And I do think we are in the most isolated time in human history.
We have to have people start speaking up on that side of it.
So hopefully this book is a piece of that solution.
You also talk a lot about the power of human connection and friendship.
So who are some people you’ve met through the franchise that have become your lifelong friends?
I mean, Wells is a terrific friend of mine.
Oh, well, I’d say it this way.
If that’s a reality, I have to hold myself accountable to that.
And so the second part of that is I believe in a God who unconditionally loves.
I believe in this God, because I feel like I’ve interacted with this God.
I’ve prayed for this God, I’ve searched for this God.
My final question is, what are your future plans?
I mean, besides getting married, of course.
Yeah, it’s a big year.
We just bought a house in Denver, up in the mountains.
Obviously getting married is a big plan for this year.
We’re opening up our third restaurant here… And then, we’re going to take some time off.
And I’m excited for that.
