How do I face the holidays?
“It’s a continuum,” she says.
“It’s the nature of family, of the holidays.
We cope the best that we can, and if you try?
you’re able to find what you need.”
Grief is, by nature, a selfish thing and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Talk about things like who’s going to have Christmas dinner.
Maybe no one will, and that’s absolutely fine.
Go out to dinner.
You’ll find there’s a way to confirm you all get what you need."
Should I avoid the family get-together?
“Go,” Weil says.
“Remember that there’s no way that you have to be.
Drive yourself, and park in a place where you’re not blocked in.
Won’t I just bring everyone down?
Weil says this is a huge concern that many people have.
They don’t want to ruin Christmas dinner for anyone.
They don’t want to bring the room down or make others feel uncomfortable.
“They invited you,” she says.
“They know what’s going on, and they still want you there.
They’re the people you care about and the people who love you.
They’ll understand the tears, and they’ll understand the need to laugh.
They want you there.”
It’s crucial to remember that there’s no particular way you’re going to be expected to behave.
If you better cry, that’s fine.
Tears are healing, and people will understand.
What do I do with our traditions?
Every family deals with this one differently.
Choose a particular ornament or decoration, and put it in a special place.
Create a memory book, and fill it with photos and other mementos.
“You do what you’re free to do,” Weil says.
If someone reaches out to offer to help you decorate, at least consider taking them up on it.
Invite them over, and if you decorate, that’s fine.
If you share stories over coffee or drinks and don’t decorate at all, that’s also fine.
That can mean a couple of different things, and they can all help.
“Find out what’s important to you,” she says.
“That can be anything, from volunteering in the community to a faith-based spirituality.
Step away from all the other aspects of it.
Think of it as another part of your faith walk, whatever that faith or belief might be.
That can be any kind of help, and it might not even be necessary at times.
Go out for a meal with friends.
Make it a lunch, if you’re not feeling up to dealing with the midnight crowds.
And make a resolution.
“I hear people ask, ‘What should my resolution be?’
I am going to take care of myself.
I am going to spend more time with my friends.
I am going to show up for life.”
How do I handle those most stressful moments when it’s all too overwhelming?
“There is no storm that lasts forever,” Weil says.
“The damage might be left behind, but the storm?
And so will the worst moments of holiday grief.”
Exercise, she says.
Get out and go for a walk.
The last thing you might feel like is preparing a healthy meal, but it’s essential.
It’s doubly essential when we’re surrounded by cookies and cakes and convenience food.
Cooking that meal with a friend is another great way to reach out.
And sometimes, just remember to breathe.
Close your eyes, take a step back, and take a few slow, deep breaths.
And you know they would want you to be happy.”
If you do find yourself feeling guilty, remind yourself that you have nothing to feel guilty about.
How do I reach out to a grieving friend?
It’s not just the person who’s grieving who can find themselves facing a difficult holiday season.
Weil says that reaching out can be the most important thing you could do.
Let them be.”
Reaching out is the easy part, she says, and there’s no wrong way to do it.
Ask them to go for coffee, or lunch.
Be there, and let them be.
