Friendships are one of life’s great joys.
The key, however, to reaping these benefits of friendship is that the friendships are high quality.
How do you determine if you’re in an unhealthy friendship?
If you realize that you’re in one, how do you get out of it?
Your choices are always challenged
Most of us want friends who will be honest with us.
“However, there is big a difference between transparency and negligence.
She pointed out that there is great power in the question ‘How are you?’
and that you should hear it from your friend as often as you ask it.
“You might know everything about her, but what does she know about you?”
This imbalance in the friendship isn’t healthy and can lead to more problems later on.
Sometimes though, it may seem like you’re the one doing all the giving in.
“Friendships can become unhealthy when they are unbalanced or not mutual in some way,” she said.
Now, she helps people navigate these experiences as a trauma care counselor.
She told me that a sure sign of an unhealthy friendship is how you feel about yourself.
She went on to say that feeling undervalued can lead to a certain jot down of depression.
You’re always competing
We live in a competitive world.
If you aren’t at the top of your game, you might miss out on an opportunity.
According to some experts, this competition has seeped into our relationships in what researchers have called interpersonal competition.
“As women we are at our best when we’re working together,” she said.
“When competition is present we can’t trust the women in our lives.”
Without trust, she suggests, a friendship cannot be healthy.
This is exacerbated as it all plays out through social media posts.
“We spend hours building digital connections rather than building strong, authentic ones,” Haisha added.
Rappaport went on to tell me that gossiping is just as much of a red flag.
If it’s possible for you to’t trust your friend, it isn’t a healthy relationship.
Sometimes though, we find that certain people seem to drain us.
“We’ve all been in one of those friendships,” she said.
She also told me that many times this is an issue of boundaries.
“If you find yourself becoming overwhelmed when the topic of relationships, kids, school, etc.
Ben Rutttold me it’s important to decide if you feel the relationship is worth saving.”
“If you have decided the friendship is unhealthy, then limiting personal disclosure is an important step.”
“Pull out your best breakup moves,” she told me.
Biesinger emphasized that it’s important to avoid being unkind or bringing other common friends into the breakup.
Use the knowledge you gained from a friendship that has ended to inform new friendships.
Find someone who reciprocates interest, values your time, and earns your trust.
The first step is the hardest part of moving on.
