When I was in middle school, I faked sick more than I’d like to admit.
My mom knew I wasn’t really sick, but she let me stay home anyway sometimes.
She knew how much I hated school.
I hated middle school because of the bullies.
The kid who kicked my chair every day during math class.
I had social skills.
But that didn’t stop those boys from bullying me.
Luckily, I had supportive parents who loved me and listened to me.
Even when school became unbearable, I was okay because my parents had my back.
And I left middle school relatively unscathed.
But how do you know if your child is a victim of bullying?
What signs should you look for?
And how do you support your child if they are being bullied?
When your child is bullied and mistreated at school, it’s natural for them to feel depressed.
These changes occur for a number of reasons, including depression.
Do what you could to be supportive and ask them if anything is going on at school.
It is important to listen to what they are expressing to you.
Pay attention to verbal and nonverbal communication.
Your child has trouble sleeping
Is your child having more nightmares than usual?
Do they say no when their friends invite them over?
Do they want to quit their after school activities to stay home and watch TV?
If so, you may be looking at a case of bullying.
Unfortunately, children who isolate themselves are even more likely to be bullied in the future.
In their 2001 study, Drs.
Youth who are socially isolated and lack social skills may be more likely targets for being bullied."
“It is important to encourage your child to tell an adult if they are being bullied or cyberbullied.
It also can help if children surround themselves with peers that are supportive and positive people.”
Bullying can also change a child’s self image, which then impacts how they act at home.
If you’re experiencing this, you may have the urge to chastise your child.
It’s very frustrating to deal with an aggressive kid.
Instead, be supportive and let your child know that you still love them and are on their side.
You may notice that your child “feels sick” but doesn’t have any symptoms of illness.
Or that they make up reasons to avoid going to school, when they used to enjoy it.
That’s because they feel safer at home where they don’t have to deal with bullies.
Then take action to stop the bullying.
Then role-play how to react if the bullying happens again."
In addition to missing school, they may be less inclined to participate in class.
Also, it may be harder to pay attention to school when your child is concerned about their safety.
Students who are repeatedly bullied receive poorer grades and participate less in class discussions.
Teachers can misinterpret their silence, thinking that these students are not motivated to learn."
If your child’s grades begin to drop, look deeper to see what is going on.
You might notice a new bruise on their leg or a scrape on their face.
These injuries could be from the bullies, or they could be self-inflicted.
If you notice your child coming home with injuries, you may feel fear or sadness.
But it’s important to remain calm and take steps to help your child and stop the bullying.
Then come up with a plan to help all the kids, including the bully."
Your child says negative things about themselves
In middle school, I had horrible self-esteem.
I thought I was too fat, hated my hair, and cringed when I looked in the mirror.
It took years for me to recover from the taunting of my classmates.
Unfortunately, low self-esteem can last far beyond the acts of bullying.
Zakeri told me, “When a child feels shamed or traumatized, it can be lifelong issues.
Luckily, my parents loved me, big hair and all.
They made sure to remind me of that all the time.
It can be extremely difficult to understand why your child would want to hurt themselves.
Self-injury serves as an escape from emotional turmoil and distress.”
Self-injury serves as a way to dampen the pain of the emotional distress triggered by the bullying experience.
The pain of self-injury is often not felt as much as the emotional pain that overwhelms the child."
“Some of the long-term effects of bullying can be anxiety, depression, and thoughts of suicide.
There are many steps you might take to help your child and stop the bullying.
Work to develop an action plan to prevent further bullying.
The plan should include measures for increased supervision and monitoring.”
She suggested you continue advocating for your child and said to “gather information about school anti-bullying policies.
Notify law enforcement and consider filing charges if bullying does not stop.
All youth need help to end the cycle.”
The painful effects of bullying can be healed.
