Forgiveness is good for you.
Just let it go.
We’ve all heard these phrases, but what do they really mean?
Sure, forgiveness sounds nice, but what do you do when you’re just not ready?
When you’ve been wronged and the other person doesn’t even feel bad about it?
Turns out that this may be the most important time to forgive and move on.
You may not even realize how bad you feel until you decide to forgive.
After reading this, you just may be ready to let it go.
What is forgiveness?
So many of us can get caught up in the littleness of a situation.
Forgiveness does not mean we’re excusing the other person’s behavior.
It just means that we’re ready to move on, and it’s time we did so.
Feeling “unforgiving” can lead to a slew of problems.
You’ll bemore likely to bring that angerand bitterness into other relationships.
Eventually hanging onto those old resentments can lead to depression and anxiety.
You could even lose the positive connections and relationships you have.
Conditional forgiveness is offering forgiveness only when the other person apologizes first.
The problem with needing an apology is that you might not get one.
The researchers found that without an apology, the conditional forgivers still held onto anger and resentment.
Over time, this stress takes a toll on our heart health.
Don’t wait for the “I’m sorry.”
Don’t give the other person that much power.
If you’re already mad at them, don’t give them the ability to shorten your life!
Forgive and walk away.
You may feel more irritable or tired all of the time.
Well, it’s not just your brain that is in hyperdrive when you’re obsessing about the fight.
Your heart has to work overtime, too.
The researchers used surveys to determine if the students were likely to forgive or not.
Trait forgivers also had lower heart rates at baseline and when thinking of the betrayal.
A study inSocial Psychological & Personality Sciencefound that being a forgiving person may help you in physical challenges.
Perhaps offering forgiveness, regardless of the original situation, helps you navigate any new challenge during your lifetime.
“Forgiveness can lighten this burden.”
Stress takes a toll on our mental health, but forgiveness could be the antidote.
A study in theJournal of Health Psychologylooked at the connection between everyday stress and mental health.
Researchers found that people who reported higher levels of stress had worse physical and mental health.
In other words, even if they reported high levels of stress, it didn’t affect their health.
You don’t have a buffer against that stress."
However, that one act of forgiveness stretches out into your other relationships and possibly even the world.
The study participants who considered themselves forgivers were even more likely to donate to charity and volunteer their time.
How to start
All right, so maybe you’re feeling open to the idea of forgiveness.
When it still feels hard, where can you start?
The researchers atMayo Clinicrecommend beginning with a commitment to change.
Just opening yourself up to the idea of forgiveness is a good step.
Think about what forgiveness could mean for you and your life.
Will you feel free, lighter, happier?
Then think about how this situation has affected your life.
Has your health or sleep suffered?
Are you thinking about that old argument all the time?
Finally, when you’re ready, make the decision to forgive.
You don’t even have to tell the other person.
Let it go for yourself.
McCullough and Worthington believe forgiveness is all about our internal motivation.
It really has nothing to do with the other person.
We don’t have to think what they did is okay to get to move forward.
Can you really forgive everything?
Sure, forgiveness is good for your blood pressure, but should you really forgive anything and everything?
What about those really severe cases when forgiveness seems wrong or even impossible?
Forgiveness researchers Ervin Staub and Laurie Anne Pearlman still say to go for it.
“Forgiving is difficult,“they wrote.
Nevertheless, forgiving is necessary and desirable.”
