Do you ever say something when talking to your partner that unexpectedly sets him off?
It’s usually because what I’ve said has made him feel insecure.
I went to the experts to find out specific examples of things women say that make men feel insecure.
Jess O’Reilly,Astroglide’sresident sexologist, suggests that you find a better way to address their feelings.
She told me, “Nobody wants to be judged for perfectly legitimate and universal emotions.
And if they’re expressing their jealousy in a hurtful or destructive way (e.g.
But don’t wait until they’ve calmed down to offer loving reassurance.”
If we weren’t together, I’d be able to… Saying “be a man” will make him feel insecure and reluctant to share with you.
Sheri Heller, licensed clinical social worker, told me, “This is an emasculating statement.
It insinuates that if a man is vulnerable and expressive of tender emotions like sadness that he is defective.
Requiring a man to live within a stereotypical box is disingenuous and demeaning.
Acceptance of who one is communicates love.”
Heller told me, “A man may feel he is listening when in fact he is offering advice.
Unfortunately, that can lead you to jump to conclusions about your current partner that may be untrue.
Heller told me in our interview, “Women who have been burned may unjustifiably incriminate other men.
She added, “Instead, take ownership for universalizing and work on healing from past betrayals.”
Heller shared with me, “This absolutist statement throws a wrench into courtship.
Pacing a relationship requires two people to respectfully share their comfort levels with contact and communication.”
But it’s also important to be aware of your partner’s insecurities.
Laura Bilotta, dating coach and matchmaker, agreed.
She added, “This is why it’s important to have girlfriends to talk to.
Why can’t you do anything right?
Always use ‘I’ statements when addressing your concerns.
Heller told me, “Men often wonder if they are a meal ticket for women.
Instead, practice generosity and look for a man who is benevolent and giving.
All the money in the world can’t compensate for a miserly character.”
Bilotta pointed out that even in a committed relationship, income can be a touchy subject.
Instead of accusing your partner of not making enough money, work together to improve your financial situation.
Money is always a two-way street.”
He added, “This will limit any potential insecurity across the board.
Sometimes it’s not what you say, it’s what you don’t say!”
