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As much as you love them, kids can get on your nerves sometimes.
They can be moody, and they can come home with terrible report cards.
Parents often choose the wrong words and don’t even realize how much damage they’re doing.
“I always give a shot to approach things from the perspective of the child.
What does the child see, what does the child hear, what does the child take away?”
So what are the phrases parents should avoid at all costs, and why do they hurt?
Read on for more of Dr. Meeker’s insight and advice.
Most of us tease people in a friendly way to have a laugh or two.
But your kids aren’t your peers.
Teasing them too much can have the opposite effect of what you intended.
“Even if the parents think they’re kidding, from a child’s perspective it’s not kidding.
Parents will think they’re trying to be humorous, but kids will see the bite in there.”
Whenever you talk to your kids, it’s important to remember that they are always vulnerable to you.
“You’re driving me crazy!”
Your child doesn’t want to feel like an annoyance or a bother to you.
“That’s sort of their way to say ‘You’re driving me crazy.’
It’s from their parents that they learn things like their sense of self worth.
Feeling like their parents don’t care for them can cause longterm harm.
A commonplace expression like “You’re driving me crazy!”
ends up stinging more than you meant it to.
It’s important to be strong physically and to be strong mentally and to have a strong presence.
Usually it involvesbeing big, strong, tough and unemotional.
“Why don’t you just quit?”
Parents should always be a solid support system for their kids.
“I would never say to a child ‘Well, why don’t you just quit?'”
“Parents really need to be encouraging kids to persist and to persevere.”
If they do fail, they can learn a valuable lesson from that failure.
(After all, failure is something we all have to deal with at some point.)
If they succeed, you’ll get to be by their side to watch their dreams unfold.
Don’t sabatoge your child’s future.
According to Dr. Meeker, trying to make your child obliging to everyone isn’t good for their well-being.
This problem especially comes into play when your teen starts dating.
I think we cause girls to be too timid in their dating relationships.”
A girl has to know that they can’t satisfy everyone.
“Encourage girls to tell the truth, to be honest,” Dr. Meeker added.
This phrase is one that is common even amongst adults.
“We teach them to invalidate their feelings,” Dr. Meeker continued.
“What they learn to do is to second guess their feelings or their responses to things.”
That idea stays with them into adulthood and can cause major problems in their relationships.
Instead of dismissing your child’s feelings, Dr. Meeker recommends acknowledging them and helping them get through it.
“Kids feel the way they feel,” she said.
What to say instead
Telling someone what not to do is only so helpful.
What’s more helpful is teaching someone the right way to conduct themselves.
“Always put a positive spin on it,” she said.
or ‘I know you worked really hard.
What was your biggest struggle during this class?'"
“And then of course the kids start to imitate.
If a parent yells, the child becomes a yeller.
Those children eventually grow up and become adults.
So the things a parent says during their kid’s childhood really can leave a lasting impact.
“What parents need to understand is kids are always looking to their parents,” Dr. Meeker concluded.
So they’re constantly looking for cues as to what the parent believes about the child.
Every parent should want their child to grow up happy and healthy, mentally and physically.
Whether or not that happens is up to the parent themselves.
