Having kids is one of the biggest changes you’ll ever make in your life.
That means that our knowledge of ‘the way things are supposed to be’ is very limited."
Why do you want to have children?
One of the first things you should talk about is why you want kids in the first place.Dr.
How many reasons can there be?
Having this discussion can help alleviate some of the future parenting obstacles that are in store for you."
Do you know why your partner wants kids?
Have you really thought about why you want them?
The clearer you’re free to get about your reasons for having children, the better.
How will you take care of your mental health?
If you currently have mental health issues, things become more complicated, with children.
Will you continue medication once pregnant?
Are you in a mentally stable place to handle a child?
What kind of support will be needed with the added stress of a child?"
What is your baby’s sleep plan?
One of the first things to decide on, is your baby’s sleep plan.
Stitt gave me an example of two parents with very different ideas of how their baby should sleep.
His Italian wife hadn’t ever even considered the issue of a bedtime for a baby.
How involved should the grandparents be?
New parents are very vulnerable to criticism.
On the other hand, new parents also need help and support."
Do you live in a different place than your parents?
If so, they may want to stay with you for a while after your baby comes.
How will you divide baby-related responsibilities?
When your new baby comes, you will have a lot more responsibilities and things to do.
Too often, the expectation is that the stay-at-home parent also becomes the stay-at-home housekeeper and manager."
She suggested that future parents make a detailed plan for how they will handle work of having a child.
Choosing roles beforehand can also help you divide up your parenting research.
Only one person needs to be the expert."
How will you communicate once the baby is born?
This begins with each partner’s curiosity and willingness to always look within first.
Talking is the glue that holds people together!"
Dr. Walfish told me, “Evaluate the way you and your partner deal with disagreements.
It is absolutely natural and normal for two people to not always agree.
How will you handle your finances?
Your finances will inevitably change when you have a child.
Will you start saving for your child’s education?
Who will handle paying for childcare?
Will one of you stop working?”
Gaining clarity on these issues will help you minimize disagreements and stress later on.
How will you raise your child?
Dr. Slover told me, “Parenting styles are numerous and many and continue to be ever-changing.
Unity between parents is essential for the normal development of the child.
Working together from the same set of rules and standards you set for your family will minimize confusion.
It should look something like this ‘We haven’t spent much time talking about raising children.
I’d like us to put a day and time on the calendar when we can start this conversation.
Dr. Slover recommended that you let your partner share their thoughts before you give your own.
With their response, you will be able to assess where your similarities and differences lie.”
Tips for handling disagreements
What if you and your partner feel differently about an issue?
While it can be difficult to negotiate and compromise, it is totally doable.
Other times, one partner can decide he or she really doesn’t care and just give in.
She told me, “Schedule another time to talk about this.
We went for a long hike and discussed our personal thoughts.
He wanted to wait longer before we had the third.
I wasn’t willing to go into my 40’s and have a pregnancy with more risks.
We settled on our two wonderful boys who are now young men.”
Having these conversations will help you strengthen your relationship and set you up to raise a happy child.
Dr. Walfish told me, “Know your partner in and out before you have a baby.
This is one life decision that is irreversible.
Once the child is here….it’s forever.
