Few familial roles are more analyzed and vilified than that of the mother-in-law.
While your mother-in-law might seem like a hateful demon, she’s still just a human being.
Here are some things that she probably wishes you knew.
They have never eaten vegetables, and they skip breakfast.
at some point in your relationship.
Note: do not make excuses for abuse.
If your mother-in-law abused your spouse, do not downplay this.
If necessary, seek professional help to best understand how to support your husband through this difficult dynamic.
She gets jealous
There’s something so incredible about the bond between a mother and her child.
It’s tough to feel like second place.
It’s natural for a mother to feel a twinge of jealousy (and even resentment).
She probably feels like she’s losing her son and, in some ways, she is.
Have empathy when she acts possessive.
Anyone who has raised kids will know that this is just not true.
Sure, your relationship and level of involvement might change, but you will be a parent forever.
Communication is key to improving and maintaining all relationships, especially the tricky ones.
It can be a difficult transition and can lead some to lash out in unproductive ways.
Many things complicate this relationship, which can make for some awkward interactions, especially in the early days.
This can be further amplified if you come from different backgrounds.
And, if you think about it, this worry is not totally irrational.
That’s a big transition for her.
She might be upset that certain topics are suddenly off-limits and that her advice is no longer needed.
Keeping things positive will go a long way.
so don’t go to her to complain about her child’s behavior.
Remember that if you open that can of worms, it can start a bad pattern.
Do you want your partner complaining about you to their mother?
Do you want her to judge you for all of the little dumb things that you do?
Keep her out of your arguments.
She will probably struggle to understand and respect your decision at least at first.
The same will be true of everything that’s new and different from how she raised her own family.
Even if she wants to speak up, she may not know how.
Mothers instinctively want to protect their babies no matter how old they are.
She might be struggling to know what to say.
For the most part, however, it’s best to just be honest.
Break it to her gently!
That’s great, but that might not be the best thing for your relationship with your mother-in-law.
Sometimes, less really is more.
Chances are, she’ll be fine without those details.
You may discover that you and your mother-in-law are at odds on some (or all!)
of the issues facing our global society and that’s okay.
You don’t have to agree on everything, so that respect each other’s differences.
Learn to bridge the gap it’s the only way things will ever get better!
This is particularly true if you are raising a family together.
For this reason, it’s worth trying to build some sort of relationship with your mother-in-law.
Sometimes, things fall into place but, for many, the dynamic is strained.
With patience, effort, and the support of your partner, your relationship with your mother-in-law can improve.
Set healthy boundaries and stick to them.
If being part of your lives is worth it to her, she will make the effort.
If not, you could sleep at night knowing she made her own choices.
For the most part, we are all just trying our best including your mother-in-law.
