It doesn’t feel like 23 years have passed since I got my first positive pregnancy test.
I was so scared and confused.
I felt guilty any time I felt a little excitement.
I had never even kissed a boy before the day that I lost my virginity.
The advice I had been given was pretty simple don’t have sex.
And I had obeyed.
It wasn’t that hard for me, really.
I did, however, have a thing for my neighbor.
I didn’t know it yet, but I had a serious crush.
How it happened
It was the Fourth of July.
People were lighting fireworks, the mood was festive, and our whole street was having a party.
An hour later, completely soaked, we ran up to my bathroom in search of towels.
I was stunned when he kissed me but I was also completely enamored.
I didn’t know exactly what was going to happen but I was okay with it all of it.
Without thinking about anything else, I succumbed to the moment.
She asked me a few questions and then went out to buy a home pregnancy test.
An exam confirmed that I was already 17 weeks pregnant and everything changed overnight.
That was the understatement of the year!
People didn’t know who to believe and I was left dealing with the pregnancy alone.
Fortunately, a young couple moved in next door with their toddler.
The woman had been a teen mother herself and she took me under her wing.
My heart was pounding when I heard his voice and I was cautiously optimistic.
A school nurse explained that they didn’t want other young girls being influenced by my bad behavior.
Fortunately, there were people who wanted to support me.
Their parents allowed them to hold a baby shower for me despite all of the drama.
That’s why today, 23 years later, these people are still among my closest friends.
Therefore, I was able to hide my condition from strangers for a while.
It made me hate going out in public sometimes.
One particularly hurtful memory was when I was heavily pregnant and riding on a bus.
Someone finally (mercifully!)
offered me their seat.
She shouldn’t be pregnant in the first place!
Don’t they teach you kids how to use condoms?"
It was a truly painful moment.
Yes, I was young, but I was also intelligent and informed.
Most importantly, though, despite my young age, I believed in myself.
This only worsened after my daughter was born.
I have always been a bit of a hands-off mother in many ways.
To some, this looked like lazy parenting and they didn’t hesitate to share their opinion.
Even taking a shower required some planning!
A particularly fussy infant, if I may add.
The first six months were pretty difficult, especially since I lived right across from her father.
Other times, I’d just feel sorry for myself.
We took turns rocking her and making up songs to make a run at get her to sleep.
Why hadn’t I used protection?
Why did he insist he wasn’t my child’s father?
Why hadn’t I considered an abortion?
Didn’t I realize that some loving couple would have gladly adopted my daughter?
It was as if people didn’t realize I questioned myself all the time!
Over time, I realized that nothing I said or did would change their opinion so I stopped responding.
Most of them are negative.
For that reason, I was extremely ashamed to admit that I needed help.
In the end, I had to make some tough decisions.
I knew that, so that work full time, I would have had to drop out of school.
There is no shame in needing temporary help as you transition through a difficult time in your life.
When your circumstances improve, pay it forward!
I was so grateful for that small amount of help!
Inside, I was shaking from embarrassment, but I knew that I had to keep my cool.
Yelling at her or trying to drag her out of the store was just going to make things worse.
A woman who had been watching me came over and gave me a hug.
She told me I was doing a good job and then walked away.
Even my daughter stopped crying.
It was the first and only time she had a public meltdown.
Maybe my approach, combined with this stranger’s approval, made an impact.
I won’t ever know but I like to think that’s the reason why!
In 2014, nearly 250,000 babieswere bornto mothers between the ages of 15-19.
Statisticsshowthat becoming a parent is the “leading reason why teen girls drop out of school.”
In the end, I relied on myself and set small goals.
Some days, I just focused on surviving.
to motivate me to work harder.
I searched for scholarships that could help me on my journey.
I stayed up late doing homework after putting my daughter to bed.
Being a teen mom was definitely one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to face.
Sometimes, you’ve just got to find the silver linings!
