According toChildWelfare.gov, adoptions in the United States are decreasing.
That’s a 14 percent decrease.
For others, it’s a decision born out of necessity when conventional methods don’t work.
Laura Loffredo had never even thought about adopting until after six years and eight failed rounds of fertility treatments.
Ultimately, Loffredo adopted a baby girl, followed by a baby boy three and a half years later.
Sometimes, however, the decision to adopt kind of just happens.
They were going to take the baby and put the baby in foster care," Walker told me.
“She had been raised in foster care herself and didn’t want that for this baby.”
so they started the process of their first adoption.
“I turned to the fertility route; that was about a three year journey,” she said.
Gruenspan said not everyone understood what she was doing.
“People thought I was nuts for going at this on my own anyway,” she said.
“I knew in my heart it would work,” she said.
You may also choose to have a domestic adoption from within the United States or an international adoption.
“We got a family attorney who helped us through the process.
“Through networking and starting to share my story with people someone mentioned an adoption consultant.
“I gave [the consultant] a call…She said, ‘I’ll hold your hand.
I’ll tell you exactly what to do.'”
Just nine months after that conversation with her consultant, Gruenspan welcomed her baby into her home.
About two years later, Gruenspan started her ownadoption consulting business.
“Most people just go to their local adoption agency and sign up.
It’s so overwhelming.
Even if they do it independently, there are resources out there,” she said.
“Trying to navigate adoption on your own is a huge undertaking.
It is expensive
“On average I tell people to expect between $35,000-45,000.
If you choose to go through an agency, there will be an agency fee.
There will also be costs for the expectant mother’s medical care.
For Laura Loffredo, this was the most surprising thing.
“I started thinking about that and getting upset about it.
She put words into action, creating theAdoption Hope Foundationto help people pay for adoption.
So far we’ve given about $50,000 in grants to families in Connecticut.”
She said, “Get whatever resources you could.
There are places out there…financial help, whatever it is.”
This is the way that adoption agencies and courts know that you’re eligible to adopt.
Essentially, it’s legal clearance.
Everything from your criminal record to your personal finances and even your relationships will be fair game.
This can be a long process, so do it early.
Other services (such as an app fee and preplacement services) may be included in this fee.”
“There are lots of infants in foster care too,” she said.
“I advocate foster adoption at all times because those are the children who are already here.
They need a family and every kid should have that.
That’s an inherent right.”
Some agencies match right away, some wait even longer.
On average they want to wait until she’s 20-25 weeks,” explained Gruenspan.
“The longer a match, the riskier it is.”
“Now you have a lot of money invested and you’re just nervous about everything.
The emotional part can be recovered in some instances quicker than the finances.”
“There are scammers out there,” she said.
“You don’t see them as much through agencies, but they do slip through.
They’ll send false records or send photos where they appear pregnant, but really aren’t.”
So double-check you’re diligent and prepared for anything when pursuing an adoption.
“There are mental illnesses we don’t know about.
Propensities to addiction we don’t know about.
“People are good at hiding secrets and keeping the ‘crazy uncle’ locked away,” she said.
“You just don’t know.”
“They’re not broken, there’s nothing wrong with them,” she said.
“Kids adopted out of foster care have the same success rate [as kids adopted elsewhere].
It’s the kids who grow up in foster care and never get placed who struggle.”
She went on to add that while foster kids may have challenges, so do all kids.
“Even if they are drug-exposed, it doesn’t make them damaged.
You just have to give them the support to overcome the challenges,” she said.
“It’s not like birth kids are going to be perfect.
You get what you get.”
“It’s that moment when you become a mom and it’s so surreal,” Gruenspan said.
“For me, half my life was spent single, dreaming about being a mom.
Then you stick this child in my arms and suddenly I’m a mom.”
“Once those papers are signed and that baby’s in your arms, that trumps everything.”
“Looking back, I can’t believe I thought that,” she said.
“The second I held her, that was my baby.”
Shortly after that, she got pregnant again.
Then, while on birth control, she got pregnant for a third time.
Her husband, who was in the military, was then deployed to Afghanistan.
“At that point we gave up and decided whatever is going to happen is going to happen.”
Walker added, laughing, “There are 11 all together.
It’s been a wild and crazy ride.”
Someone wasn’t born out of your stomach?
Which one?'”
Walker laughed, continuing, “They start looking around going, ‘Who is it?’
They don’t automatically know, which I think is another tell about how kids see the world.
They’re always kind of surprised.”
“Hopefully you’re able to have a picture you’re able to show them.
Or if you’re able to maintain some ties to the birth family, that’s great.
“I wouldn’t trade the relationship with her for anything,” she said.
“We created a village, you need a village.
You need people,” said Johnson-Young.
“you’re gonna wanna have date night.
it’s crucial that you have people it’s possible for you to call.
you gotta be around other people who adopted.
You need people of the heritage of your kids too, so they’re seeing examples.”
Loffredo said that while she only knew one couple who had adopted before her, now she knows 20.
“You kind of find each other,” she said.
And all of the women I spoke to agreed that it’s worth it.
“Take it one day at a time.
Don’t get overwhelmed.
“Just trust the process.
It’s a leap of faith and you just have to go forward and trust the process.
I feel like what’s meant to be will happen.”
Walker agreed, even though her life with 11 kids isn’t what she had planned.
“I’ve never been sorry.
I’ve never been sad,” she said.
Jill Johnson-Young told me that having adoptive kids is more like having biological kids than we realize.
“I don’t think it’s any more complicated than having birth kids.
They’re just different,” she said.
“I think adoption is the best way to grow a family.”
